Monday, March 30, 2009

cheating....

People cheat when they are unhappy and don't have the voice to say it. That is my assumption on the matter. I am just flabbergasted (word??) at the amount of people that cheat. I am not saying I have been perfect my whole life...I haven't...but I do know that cheating comes from unhappiness...

So is it too much to ask that people start talking again....remember my previous post about my friend who decided to communicate and give her marriage a try...why can't everyone do that? Yes again...I know...but I did try...for me it's not right. This new story I have to share goes a little like this:

So I find out from a friend that I just met in Port Alberni...that his ex is dating a guy here in Courtenay....turns out it's the same guy that is dating my good friend here in Courtenay...small world. So I had the great pleasure this a.m. of informing her that she is not the only one dating said Courtenay guy....you can tell when some one's heart is breaking. Did you know that?? Yup..it's in the eye's. You can see it. Breaking into small little pieces....like I trusted this person and they are doing what?? Then an unfortunate thing happens to some of us women (maybe men don't know) we go into make it better mode....if I just do this....or if I just say that...it will all go back to before my heart broke into 1000 pieces....not so much. So he is now saying they weren't exclusive....well I hate to tell ya buddy I have heard the stories of your non-exclusive relationship with my friend and YOUR EXCLUSIVE DIP SHIT!....you don't do what your doing with more than one person at a time. It's rude, ignorant, insensitive and just plan old stupid! So after I told her and broke her heart....yes nice thing for a best friend to have to do hey....I could see her go into "make it better mode" and I need to stand beside her and remind her (unfortunately from example) that we can never make it better....all we do is make US look like the fools! I say it's time to call the fool the fool and call us the fabulous! I will remind her of this daily until she is thru it. I hate this part of life. But I gotta say...it's reminding me to not be what I don't want to be :)

So talk people....talk to your partners....talk to your family....talk to your friends....get those emotions and concerns out...cause keeping them inside clearly doesn't work....for anyone! Cheaters and Cheatee will be better off talking!!! Trust me!

Well hopefully tomorrow's post will be a happy subject....

4 comments:

Vanessa (aka V, Nessa, oldschool) said...

my dad cheated after 18 years & 4 kids...well he prolley cheated before we found out but that's when we found out...I can say he had nothing to be unhappy about. He had a great home he worked hard to get, a great family he said he loved, a successful business he built over time & a stay at home wife...just like he wanted.

So to me he cheated because he thought the grass was greener...in my opinion the grass is not greener because after you spend a month with that new person, things aren't new & fun anymore, it is just then different "unfun" responsibilities.

I do not think people should stay with an abusive mate, or with a person who cheats...I think the abused/cheated on should realize there is someone else for them...someone better

I believe if you feel the need to cheat...you owe it to your mate that you spent 18, or X amount of years with, more than that.

Don't cheat...be respectful
Don't be cheated on...respect yourself

Vanessa (aka V, Nessa, oldschool) said...

that's how I feel Lisa
sorry to go on about it
I guess it just hit home

give your girlfriend a tight squeeze from me
take care you

nscropper said...

in my oppinion, there is never any reason to cheat ... if you don't want to be with that person, then leave them before you have a fling with someone else.
I've been cheaton soooo many times, i know how much it hurts and i know that your friend is waaaay better off without this guy. once a cheater, always a cheater.
Hugs to you both.

Bianca said...

You are soooooo right. It is so important to not "band-aid" a situation like that. I was involved in a 5 year relationship where the jerk lived with me, ate with me, slept with me, went on vacations with me etc. Then one day... when something happened that made it so obvious I had no choice but to confront it, he told me that we were never exclusive. I mean seriously... after 5 years??? I know you probably think I am nuts but I was totally blind sided by the whole thing. Looking back, of course, now I can see a million and one warning signs. But right then, my own mind was playing too many tricks on me. I lost myself completely. If only there was someone like you around, Lisa. Someone who had the balls to not only give me some awful news but to hang around while I found myself and my strength again. Your friend is very lucky to have you there. It makes it a lot easier to heal when someone is standing by your side reminding you that you deserve to be treated better than that.( sometimes you need to hear it lots & lots ) That is a huge light in a dark cave. Love is a wonderful thing... not only does it make us smile and happy to be alive, it also makes us vulnerable and can distort reality. With a little help from our friends, maybe we can keep it all in perspective and not be afraid to get back on the proverbial horse and try it again.